13 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 013!
My plan for today started simply, I was going to work on the Celtic Cross Layout, record it and post it on a separate info page on the website. First I would need to learn how to do some of those things. Luckily I enjoy learning. I also wanted to upload my logo at the very least so that the tab you see at the top in your search engine shows my little logo.
As Moltke the Elder has been quoted as saying, “no plan survives contact with the enemy” (Wikipedia) and for me “today” was the enemy. The morning began normally enough, but by 9:30-10:00am I discovered a cowering mouse beneath the water bowl. The bowl has a mouse-sized hole which before now I had not thought of as a mouse hole.
It was most likely brought in by Dobby (cat number 2) because it was alive. After a few seconds of thinking, I managed to trap the mouse. Valentine (cat number 1), our other cat, with more of a killer instinct was attempting to get at the mouse trapped in a clear upside down Tupperware lettuce container (the one’s with holes).
To prevent the creature from being harassed I needed to grab a brick – I hadn’t quite worked up the courage to try and move the mouse in case I lifted the container and it escaped. Then I’d be in an even bigger pickle! Long story short, this mouse stayed where I captured it and at the back of my mind all day, exuding a subtle tension. Kill it or let it go. Where do I let it go? Am I then potentially unleashing a future plague upon the suburb?
With mankind shifting the local eco system will the mouse go from hunted creature (birds, snakes, lizards, cats all eat mice) to a dominant species? Okay. So, I’m overthinking it just a little. It’s the whole an, “earthquake happens if a butterfly flaps its wings” thing.
Then a spot of lunch. After lunch I got a most welcome phone call from a friend, who here I will simply call Betty for writing purposes. It’s a safe name for me because I don’t know any one called Betty at the moment. Betty and I haven’t spoken in ages. At the outset, I got the impression Betty was having a glass of wine during our chat. This is not uncommon amongst my friends to have a glass of wine and chat.
So we pleasantly discussed COVID-19 (Corona Virus) its isolation impacts, the US election, its results, along with our hopes and fears. We talked a bit about physical aches, pains, getting older, her dog, her niece, her country of origin and relationships with husbands and people in general. There were a couple of emotional teary starts on Betty’s part but she assured me she was okay.
Somewhere, I must have missed a cue. Maybe it was the talking to an old friend, the inability of connecting when perhaps the cabin fever began to show. The conversation went from lightness to a deep probe question of, “who are you, Michaela?”. The conversation went from, “I miss you and you guys (our other friends) so much” to “I’ve just wasted two hours of my time talking to someone I don’t know and what I’ve learned in all my years is that I have choices and I no longer choose to speak with you”. It was the blink of an eye. Ouch! Betty then put phone down – not hung up.
This stopped me in my tracks. The typical reactions psyche fields will argue is that people go to the extremes of fight or flight response when shocked. My sits in the directly in the middle if those two were spectrums. Possibly because I can’t make up my mind which to do. The middle of that spectrum is “freeze”. I didn’t lash out with harsh words like I might have in my youth nor did I hang up the phone and flee. Instead, I paused waited to see what would happen. Kept the headphones on for a few minutes and when it was obvious the phone wasn’t going to be picked up again, only then did I hang up.
Of course, Betty’s a friend of 30 years and to some degree I got the frustration. Is this the end from my point of view? Certainly not. I’ll give her time to get over her hangover and send an email to test the waters. From there, it’ll be up to her how much of it was me and how much it was anxiety.
It reminds me how hard isolation can be. Particularly, if you are used to socialising and speaking with people. If you are not into technology, like Betty, life might be very hard indeed. Betty loves the intimacy of face to face in person conversations – like most of us. It’s probably something about other people’s pheromones (refer References) and their scent which you don’t get when technology is involved. I didn’t get to ask whether she used video chats but I suspect not. The video chats have made it easier for my mother and least she can see who she’s having conversations with.
On the upside of my hurt, I reached out to a mutual friend, to talk it out. Thank goodness for friends!
Enough, about that, what did the cards predict.
The Cards
First card Compromise in the Now position. Firstly, I can relate this to both situations today. Capturing the mouse and not doing anything with it was a compromise. The mouse didn’t win because it wasn’t free but it was alive; I didn’t win because the mouse was alive and I didn’t know what to do with this. This also sounds a bit like Schizophrenia’s rock and a hard place.
No-thingness was the second card out. This is a tricky one since I usually refer to No-thingness as “potential”, is Compromise threatened by potential creativity? Perhaps it’s a situation in which I needed to get creative about. Let’s assume it’s the mouse situation and that option one was “kill mouse” and option two was “let mouse go”. The compromise was let mouse go at the end of the day.
With respect to Betty maybe No-thingness can be interpreted best as “openness” as opposed to receptivity. Perhaps it’s being open to Compromise?
Conditioning was the third card selected and sits in the Goal position. Conditioning is an interesting card and in the Osho deck talks about the lion brought up by sheep and led to believe it was a sheep. That was, until one day it discovered he was a lion and not a sheep. Osho sees societal conditioning as the sheep and the individual as the lion. As a Goal, it might mean that it’s time for me to look inside.
For a moment, I’m just going to mix up the tarot deck and refer to The Mythic Tarot where its about battling your ego or lion within. The day certainly challenged my ego and it is without ego that I can say there has been some improvement to my early life’s reactions to a similar situations.
Next is the Distant Past position and Participation is its card. Previously Participation showed on Day 004 in the Future Energy position and the card is described as enjoying life and be a part of it. My thoughts on this one go to my interaction with Betty and how in the past we embraced each other’s company.
Again, talk of this threw the contact into stark relief and today’s interaction showed that she missed our past “girl gathering” interactions keenly. This stirred up the realisation that said style interaction would not be possible in the near future. Reinforcing the cabin fever she was already feeling (refer References).
Recent Past position has Schizophrenia – The personality split in two minds. Our being seeks wholeness. Betty’s dilemma reflected in part my thoughts and my actions. Entertaining the burden of what society requires at present; restrictions put in place for the safety of all to prevent the spread of the Coronavirus. Divides us internally.
We as people who strive for togetherness are now more than ever forced to face ourselves and the choices we have made on where we live and who we live with. There are no more distractions to keep us from facing our immediate lives. Perhaps its millennia of conditioning that’s kept us from pursuing our dreams, bound up by a responsibility we don’t really want to understand.
Then there’s my frustration at not being able to reach out and simply exist in the same space as my friend.
Future Energy is Transformation – it’s not hard to understand why this card has shown up in the Future Energy position. If I had read the cards at the beginning of the day, I would have been clueless as to what my day would entail. As mentioned, my plan was so different to what transpired.
Transformation is the card that tells you that something has forever changed and is irreversible, akin to the moment of learning that Santa is not a real being. It’s the moment you lose your virginity – there’s no turning back. Sadly, so too was my interaction with my friend Betty yesterday.
It took me a while and a meditation to realise what the situation might be. Although I made progress on my immediate response it’s far from where I would like to be of responding immediately with compassion instead of stillness.
Feelings position is Adventure – Although this might sound a little haughty or aloof I am glad of the experience that Betty provided me. Although I hope that the interaction was not my last with her. It allowed me to look at my truth. Not in the analysis that I am doing here but at the moment of asking.
While I knew my response would have been, “I don’t know”. There are also so many facets to the question that hardly made a difference at the instant where I knew instantly then stumbled to articulate 10,000 words into sentences. This truth is what the Adventure card is all about.
On a literal everyday level, Adventure also reflects the adventure of the upcoming weekend away.
Other People’s Views is Possibilities – Here we have the Possibilities showing up again – that’s eight times in fourteen days. This time it’s how other people see me. Perhaps in chatting to my friends – they being the other – and talking about the plans for the website they saw creativity and possibilities ahead. Maybe it looks like keeping myself too busy to live.
The Hopes and Fears position is Inner Voice – This card is about being the same person on the outside as I am on the inside. The same person that speaks to you at home, at work and to my friends. Naturally, if I were to be in each moment I would be speaking my truth at all times. It is certainly my hope, my fear is not being able to attain or sustain it. This makes logical sense in light of Betty’s call.
Outcome position is New Vision – A popular card of late New Vision. Whenever it has appeared it has been about accepting the light with the dark, the good with the bad. This is exactly what my plan is moving forward it’s a slightly new way of being and certainly gives me reason to continue meditating and practising mindfulness.