Statistics for January 2021
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Bottom 10
All cards, All positions Appearances
Statistics for January 2021
Day 031 – Scooting around ….
31 January 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 31!
Wow! The end of the first month of Tarot Days. It seems a little surreal getting to this point. So much has happened and so little at the same time. By that I mean, my life changed part way through the month and forced some internal reflections I hadn’t planned on.
Summary of today (retrospectively speaking). I woke up late, I only do that these days when I visit my friends or family. Basically, it’s like the only time I get to heal. I’m safe and cared for in their homes and it gives me a warm feeling to be in their energy. Late mornings also seems compensate for the lack of nap-ability through the day.
Not that I don’t feel safe or cared for at home, I do. However, when at home there’s usually something that needs doing. Some project or another that I’ve cooked up. These things disappear when I visit family and friends. There is an exception to this if the households have children in which case you’re greeted with the, “are you awake yet?” question. The question doesn’t stop being asked until you say “no, go away!”. *grin*
Today, I figure my body must have needed the rest – this healing stuff takes its toll.
The other exciting thing that happened today was that I got a SCOOTER! This is amazing, I’m hoping it will make mobility easier when venturing outside the house.
Let’s see what the cards have to say!
Today's Cards
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Laziness was the first and sits in the Now position. For those that have read previous posts, you will have realised that I don’t like this card very much. Before the day even begins seeing this card in the Future Energy, Outcome, Now or Feelings positions stoops my shoulders.
By waking up late and then seeing this card, I felt I was already on the back foot for the day. And the truth is that I did want to take it easy today. I’d gotten a little ahead or at the very least caught up with some of the activities I wanted to complete by today. There was a part of me that today went … “what the hey?”. I’m going to be lazy.
Perhaps that’s the whole point of the card’s continual appearance. Learn to recognise it perhaps rest for a few moments but don’t let what you’ve worked for crumble – monitor the relaxing you do. Especially, if Laziness appears in the Now position.
Rebirth Influences the Now position and was the second card today. If read at the surface level it could simply mean that it’s the Rebirth of Laziness. But it could be that the Rebirth card is preventing or blocking Laziness take a full hold. This could be the monitoring I just spoke about.
Rebirth then is about taking time to heal and “rebirth” the molecules that need to mend the cracks in the bone.
The Lovers is in the Goal position and was the third card. The Lovers card is all about reconciling the change made within yourself and about recognising that others around you act as a reflection of you. My husband is patient and amazing. It’s good to have someone representing the traits I aspire to have in my life around.
Comparison was the fourth card and sits in the Distant Past position. Again, another card I sometimes struggle with when used in a negative light. This is not so when the card sits in the Distant Past position. In the past, I may have compared myself to others but that comparison now falls by-the-by now. The measuring stick has dramatically shifted.
Healing was the fifth and is in the Recent Past position. The cards today seem to be reflecting the face value meaning – love it! The longer sleep, the waking up late… all to do with healing. It’s too good to not use in this manner in this position. It ties in the with Laziness card being in the Now and the Rebirth card sitting in the Influence position quite nicely.
Totality was the sixth and is in the Future Energy position. In the Osho deck, this card represents immersing yourself and committing to the course at hand. Of course, Osho is about totally being in each moment fully. However, this could be about committing wholly to the healing process. This means accepting that Laziness may play a part and that some things won’t get done while Healing is undertaken.
Consciousness was the seventh card and sits in the Feelings or immediate future position. Consciousness is about full awareness and has a similar message to that of Totality. My feelings toward resting on my laurels and the eroding of progress is something I am aware of have made a conscious choice to follow.
Experiencing was the eighth and sits in the Other People’s Views position. This could be when we were picking up the mobility kneeling scooter. I was new to the experience and simply enjoying the newness of the experience.
Silence was the ninth and is in the Hopes & Fears position. Beautiful and blissful silence. Of course, this can’t simply be about silence as the absence of physical noise. This Silence is about blending into the universe and being one with it.
The interpretation today is simply that I hope to reach this point constantly like represented in Totality. Fear being the other side of that coin is that I fear that I will lose myself in the absorption process. Although I know that I won’t.
Conditioning was the tenth and final card and sits in the Outcome position. Based on the cards sitting in the Now, Influence, Recent Past, Future, Feelings positions it’s clear to me that this card is wanting me to condition or school myself into developing a mindset away from self-recrimination every time I need to heal. It doesn’t do me or anyone else any good – which is what is reflected in The Lovers card.
References
Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, ISBN 0-312-11733-7 (St Martin’s Press)
Day 030 – Gifts to brighten a day!
30 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 30!
The context and pretext for today was that I again would be spending most of my day on the lounge with my leg raised waiting stuff from a streaming provider. The day was not going to be a cut and paste from the Day 29 because it was a weekend and my husband was home with me.
Sleeping last night was a bit problematic because I managed to get a nap in yesterday. Yes, a fabled nap. At midnight I remembered why I didn’t like naps through the day… and at 1:00 in the morning.
After trying and failing at several techniques which have had a great success rate of getting me to sleep, I simply got up and made myself a cup of camomile tea. While I was waiting for the tea to steep, I fell asleep on the lounge. Sleep at last … Zzzz.
Through the day there was some TV watching but not as much as yesterday – thank goodness. I’m sure my eyes were becoming square.
Husband did the lawn, trimmed the trees and cleaned the water feature. All stuff, I would normally help him with or even just do myself. So, I thought I would grab the crutches and head outdoors to watch and provide verbal support.
Turns out the idea was more appealing than reality. The practical application of heading outdoors became challenging on the sloping driveway and the wind blowing at my dress. There was a reluctant retreat and the heckling I hoped to deliver went by unexpressed.
Part of the reason I wanted to head outdoors was to keep my hand in using the crutches. There’s a fear that if I don’t use it and keep up the skill I might fall over again. To-date I’ve been fortunate with repeat falls in that there have been no real consequences. So you may ask, what have I been using if haven’t been using crutches?
You see, back when my mother broke her leg about 15 years ago she discovered a nifty way of getting around her single level, tiled and floor boarded house. In my old room she discovered an old school chair which I hadn’t thrown out yet.
It was small, armless and free wheeling student chair. She sat on the seat to test out its sturdiness and its wheel-ability and in no time my mum was whizzing about the house backwards. I never understood the reason for the backwards until I go my own.
Backwards feels safer. Firstly, there seems to be a little more control and if you misjudge a push and bump into a wall your injury is safe. Having your back push in the back rest also provides a bit of resistance and you get a better push. The problem with the student chair is that it is designed for children and therefore might not feel sturdy for a long term solution. Best off going with the solutions designed for the mobility impaired.
After lunch there was a lovely surprise from my mother, when a beautiful bunch of flowers arrived. It’s one of the more beautifully presented flower bouquets I’ve received. Please note that none of the flowers I have ever received have ever been ugly! The presentation from delivery wrap to table top presentation was amazing!
They really brightened my day!
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
The Dream appears in the Now position one and is the first card for the day. The Dream is about unrealistic and romantic notions. If you like an example of this might be watching or reading something and believing that the “happily ever after” is something taken for granted.
With respect to today’s events, I can safely say that The Dream was about me heading outdoors to heckle my husband and the notion of it being dreamier than reality.
The Influence and second position was occupied the Beyond Illusion card. It seems a fitting card to sit as Influence over The Dream acting as a correction and providing a reality check for me in my current circumstance.
The Goal and third position was occupied by Sorrow. Sorrow, while sounding like a sad card also points toward enlightenment via tears and sadness. The goal expressed in the Goal position isn’t always clearly identifiable at the beginning of the day. Shattering of a dream is a sad event and enlightenment certainly hit me in the head.
The Creator occupies position four and that of the Distant Past. The Creator also appeared in yesterday’s reading in Other People’s Views. Where I mentioned it is about connecting with your inner source and doing something with it.
The distinction between The Creator and The Source cards is that one is the pure energy the other is the user of the energy. Much like a potter is one that works with clay. Clay being the source and the potter being the creator. However, in the Osho deck the card is all about working on your inner self.
Working with this intent, I was The Creator of the circumstance I now find myself in. Not directly, of course, it’s not like I went, “ooh, I think I could go with a broken ankle right about now!”. But my choices did lead me to have weekend break in Tweed Heads and the consequence is simply part of living life.
But my life choices keep steering me into situations where I have to constantly face my character and not always successfully – *sad face emoji*. So, the card of The Creator fits nicely into the Distant Past and its consequence is reflected in the creation and shattering of The Dream.
Letting Go is the fifth card to appear and sits in the Recent Past position. Letting Go fittingly describes what I needed to do to move on from The Dream. There’s not much more to say on this card in this position, except maybe that the incident has highlighted that I’ve been in the process of letting go of a lot of things.
Consciousness is the sixth card to appear and sits in the Future Energy position. Consciousness is the equivalent of being stone cold sober with complete awareness. Aware of all the pieces that combine to make you “you” or in this situation make the situation the situation.
What do I mean by that? I mean that The Dream that was an illusion of my circumstances has been shattered and it took that very simple activity of wanting to go outside to bring about the change. Not every monumental awakening needs to happen with drama or fireworks. Shifts in consciousness happen everyday and some small changes pass us by without ever being noticed. That is, until one day you ask yourself, “what ever happened to that belief?”.
Conditioning was the seventh card to appear in the Feelings about the Now position. This is simple, I have conditioned myself to be constantly optimistic in my ability to respond quickly to new situations. I’ve always had a balance between being good at academic topics and had reasonable success with most sports without too much effort.
Add to this conditioning the fact that in my work life I have been required to adapt quickly to new jobs on a regular basis – life as a contractor for nine years saw me occupy 40-45 different roles working across different industries too. This conditioned me to feel that I was able to triumph over pretty much anything quickly.
Breaking from my conditioning is something I feel that I need to do now that I have limited mobility. After all, this for me is temporary and relatively minimal despite what the doctors have said about its serious nature. I can walk. I can get around. I count myself lucky.
Success was the eighth card to appear and occupies the Other People’s Views position. Again, my exposure to other people has been limited but I expect that this might relate to my mother’s sending of flowers. There’s just a feeling of riding high when you receive flowers.
For me, it’s like I’ve done something right to receive such a beautiful expression of love to help me get well. This isn’t something our family does regularly so I suspect it might also be to sweeten the guilt she’s feeling about calling on me for tech help. Of course, I have never expected anything for the assistance. It’s just what kids all over the world do for parents because they love them.
Suppression was the ninth card and occupies the Hopes & Fears position. Suppression appeared in yesterday’s reading in the Feelings position and it’s transition to a hope or fear makes sense to me.
I don’t like suppressing who I am. The shattering of the The Dream card makes me question just how many more of these notions I have and that is the fear. My hope is that the shattering of this dream situation is the last.
Guilt is in the Outcome position and was the tenth card today. In the Osho deck Guilt is an unproductive emotion. Interestingly, the Guilt in the Hopes & Fears position of yesterday has moved into the Outcome position. Given the description I gave yesterday of my fear then, of me taking healing into my own hands, I don’t think that the Guilt card today is a carry over from yesterday.
There is a little bit of guilt surrounding the receipt of flowers from my mother for simply being injured. I can, however, appreciate that at times we want to express our feelings with more than just words for our family members.
Link to References
Flowers were from ‘Only Roses’ in Brisbane, Queensland.
Day 029 – Drift Day
29 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 29!
With limited capacity there is not much I am anticipating will happen in the day. Perhaps I will manage to successfully whittle the day away bingeing on some TV shows.
This bingeing will probably impact anything and everything going on in my life.
On the upside, there is the possibility that my mother will ring me to see how I’m going and seek help setting up her new printer. All I can say to that is, thank goodness for TeamViewer! TeamViewer has made tech support a lot easier.
You may be asking exactly what is a “drift day”? When I speak of drift days I’m talking about a day where you really don’t have anything that must be done on that day. For instance, this is usually when the housework is done, I don’t have any shopping left to do. There are no outstanding projects, like changing the fish tank water, sweeping leaves off the deck or raking the grass.
Now to be clear, it does mean ignoring some things like tidying up inside the cupboards, cleaning the windows or even cleaning up under the bed. It’s just about getting to a specific point. It’s a day that becomes yours to do what you want without the guilt.
Sometimes that means you’re a little bored or might be suffering a few moments of apathy. For me, it’s moments where I might get away with having a nap.
Let’s see what the cards had to say about the day.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Yesterday No-thingness was in the Now position and today it’s in the Influencer position. Does this mean that yesterday’s situation is influencing how I started looking at today? Let’s take a look.
Intensity was the first card out and is placed in the Now position. Interestingly, Intensity was also in yesterday’s reading but in the “how other people saw me” position. Intensity is about setting your own boundaries and your own path. It sometimes means ignoring good, sage or expert advice and trusting what you judge to be true and applicable to you. This also means accepting responsibility for veering off the advised path.
Just a quick disclaimer, for those who love me, it is not my intention to veer from medical advice – so don’t get nervous *smile*.
No-thingness was the second card and has appeared in the Influence position. No-thingness or potential, is influencing or blocking my ability to connect with myself. If read as a blocker, it would mean that there is so much potential that I am overawed by it.
What was boundless optimism yesterday is perhaps too many options today. This is certainly the case when it comes to writing and ideas on how to improve the website. There was a moment during the day when I found some code on how to upload a font I like maybe it means going rogue with the theme coding?
Participation was the third card and is placed in the Goal position. Participation, in the Osho deck, means embracing life and being a part of it. Note, this card also appeared in yesterday’s reading but was in the Influence spot of position two. It has moved from simply influencing my potential to becoming a goal.
In the Goal position it means that I would like to get out and about and interact with people and has become a focus. As mentioned yesterday, getting back to work and participating in, what I consider my normal life, has been on my mind. Even while being a little on the scary side. Today however, it was simply fulfilled by enjoying my own company (and that of my husband).
Control was the fourth card and was placed in the Distant Past position. It’s image is of a very serious looking man and everything about the card speaks of inflexibility. This inflexibility can form a basis for rebellion against myself or others.
If I were to be honest with myself, and I am certainly trying to be with not only myself but also the readers of this blog, I felt deflated by the amount of time the medical profession advised that I would need to wear the cast. It just seemed very inflexible to me. Sadly, there’s very little I can do about that except to take care of myself in the way they have recommended.
The Dream has shown up in the Recent Past position and is card number five. The Dream card is that of having romantic and/or unrealistic expectations of a particular scenario. In this case, it might be my expectation that I will heal quicker than the professionals think.
As mentioned from what I just wrote in the Distant Past position I was crestfallen when the six weeks of elevated foot was prescribed. Stubbornly, I am still of the (possibly unrealistic) view that I will recover quicker than anticipated.
This unrealistic romantic notion makes way for a new Innocence. Innocence is the card that appears in the Future Energy position and was card number six. This position moves the reading from the known into what is likely. The Dream may gain a measure of reality and appear as Innocence. Stripping back expectations and experiencing the circumstance with a pureness of heart instead.
It is important to make a distinction between innocence and naivety. Naivety is the lack of experience. The Osho deck clearly depicts and elderly person beneath the heading of Innocence. Showing the man certainly has experience but he has shed expectations. He engages the interaction with a praying mantis with pureness of heart.
Position seven is about the Feelings I have toward Intensity. Card seven today is Suppression. Suppression of Intensity or in other words, suppression of my own path and vision. This is about the healing process or my frustration about it. Is there a part of me that might be feeling like going rogue? Definitely. But how? Everything the medical professionals have said on what I need to do to heal makes sense to me – except maybe the six weeks. For now, follow as required.
Oh dear. I’m falling into the trap everyone falls into; seeking the quick fix.
Perhaps, I simply cannot relate to this card at the moment. Hmmm… having written that I don’t have any ideas about my health. Could kinesiology do anything? (No friends, it will not conflict with medical advice).
Other People’s Views is the eighth position and its card is The Creator. The Creator is about connecting to the source within and manifesting its radiance outward. Considering I spent most of the day socialising with my mother and my husband, I’m uncertain of whether they think this or not. So, I’m just going to let it drop there.
The ninth position is Hopes & Fears and Guilt is its card. Guilt is the card that spells out the “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” situation. Meaning that no matter the choice the result will have a toll in personal agony.
It’s a strange card to have appear in the Hopes & Fears position but going with the “hope” aspect of the coin first. I hope not to feel guilty about going my own way and healing the way I need to feel; sometimes this means that those around me find me frustrating and stupidly stubborn.
As for the “fear” aspect, if I choose to go with suppression of my own way of doing things and pleasing those around me, I fear that I might manifest something else in my body. Storing anger which might reveal itself in a misdirected situation at a later stage.
Since today was a “mild” day, and my rebellion is minor – if any – I’m hoping that I’m not suppressing something meaningful from myself *smile*.
Today’s Outcome being position ten has Rebirth as its card. Rebirth is about letting go of ego, letting go of the mind, washing away old ideas. It’s the beginning of a new life or chapter – on a minor scale. It’s one of those moments when you look back in years to come and realise that the fractured ankle was ages ago.
The fractured ankle will always be remembered together with the launching of the website My Soul Embrace. There are a lot of tiny little learnings that amount to a major transformation that aren’t necessarily seen at the moment but appear only on reflection at a later date.
Link to References
Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen
Day 028 – Not getting things done
28 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 28!
Today was the first day with the new cast on and I’m already experiencing some minor benefit. I was able to lie on my side for a short period of time this morning, which was pure heaven! Of course, I needed to keep the leg elevated. Worth it!
When the cards were being dealt, I dismayed when the Laziness card appeared in the Outcome position. Normally it’s such a trigger to get me active on all the outstanding tasks around the house. Not this time.
This time was different because the restrictions I was feeling with the new cast were certainly affecting my mood. Perhaps it was because regardless of the news from the hospital being positive, the whole process of swapping casts was exhausting. The exhaustion was causing me to be apathetic and certainly brought out my inner procrastinator. A sure sign that the Laziness card would prove a self-fulfilling prophecy today.
Most of the day was spent sitting with my leg elevated wanting to sleep and not being able to get to it because sleeping during the day is something I struggle with. It requires a massive mental letting go from me that despite not having anything on my mind keeps me awake.
It’s probably because the sun is up I feel I need to be up. I imagine that if I were ever to travel to a place where the sun is up for days and days I’d struggle initially.
By the end of the day the list of chores I wanted to get done went undone. Even when I tried to focus on the things I needed to do I let myself get distracted by one red herring after another.
In the end my laziness didn’t pay off and I ended up working later than I needed to. All because I let myself get distracted. Luckily there wasn’t too much damage and the Laziness card provided a warning not to get to it.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
No-thingness was the first card in the Now position and sets the outlook for the day. No–thingness translates as “potential” to me, as opposed to reading it as “nothingness”. It’s the vacant lot waiting for an idea of what it could be used for. It’s a good card to start the day with and certainly reflected the grand ideas of what I would have liked to achieve for the day.
My problem was where to start. So much I’d like to do. None of it immediate. All of it important-ish and would need to get done at some point.
Participation was the second card and is placed in the Influencer or Blocker position. It reflects what might be encouraging me or discouraging me from fulfilling the day’s potential. This card can be seen that if I’m participating in life activities I’m ignoring the day’s potential – another way of saying that I could get distracted by participating in diversions.
The Goal position has the Clinging to the Past card. There is certainly an element of truth to that today. I miss full use of my ankle, my walks, my attempts at yoga and crossing my legs to meditate. Me behaving myself today by sitting with leg elevated although feeling like doing nothing is me doing my darndest to get back to that state.
Of course, this ties in nicely with the Distant Past card of Abundance. Abundance in this situation being when I was able to do all the things I missed, partially unaware of their value.
Schizophrenia is in the Recent Past position and was the fifth card. Schizophrenia possibly signifies the break between Abundance (being able to do things freely) and Clinging to the Past (wishing I could do things freely again) to the “break” being the cause of the change in attitude.
The sixth card in the Future Energy position is Exhaustion. To be quite honest I would have expected this card to show itself sooner than at day 28. But Exhaustion is just about physical exhaustion it’s also about mental and spiritual exhaustion too. It’s constantly trying to live up to ideals that are constructs of a persona that doesn’t work anymore.
It’s trying to live up to self-imposed or perceived impositions that can wear you out if you’re not prepared to let go and adapt. I’m hearing ya! Things for me have to change but fighting it will breed exhaustion.
The seventh card is about Feelings toward potential and today it’s reflected in the card of Ripeness. Ripeness is the perfect time to pick fruit or to make a change and while I’ve enjoyed my pity party, I’m about ready to let it go – if only I wasn’t Clinging to the Past!
The eighth card reflects Other People’s Views and has the Intensity card. The Intensity card is about finding your inner core and inner strength. Thankfully, my pity party appears to just be taking place on the inside.
Hopes & Fears is the ninth spot and has the Ice-olation card occupying it. When I see this card I always feel a little sad. Not in a pity kind of way but more like when you have to tell a child they’re not allowed outside because it’s raining. How does that relate to the overall layout or even reflect a hope or fear?
The thing that has been playing on my mind is work. Mainly the fact that I need to go back to work next week. I know I’ll cope. There’s certainly a part of me that is looking forward (hope) going back, or would have been had it been in the office.
There were many years where work followed me home, the way I was able to shut off was the second I walked in my front door at home, work was forgotten and home life began. Working from home, while at times I love it, has its drawbacks. I don’t like mixing work life with home life and the physical separation makes it easier to draw the line.
My fear then is that work will consume too much of my home life. Let’s face it I envy people that are able to look at the clock at X o’clock and just pack up and go home.
The Outcome position is position ten and is occupied by the Laziness card. Needless to say I have already spoken about this card. Reflecting back on the day, Laziness did certainly feature as an outcome because I needed to play a lot of catch up to get things to a state where I like to leave them at the end of the day.
Tomorrow’s another day right … hope to see you then.
Link to References
No additional references today.
Random thoughts on Australia Day!
For those unaware 26 January in Australia Day in, you guessed it, Australia. This is when the European settlers claimed Australia as its own. Unfortunately, this neglected the thousands of years of occupation by the incumbent indigenous population, the Australian aborigines. To them Australia Day is known as Invasion Day.
Thankfully, society has moved from the barbaric actions of the new comers to finally acknowledge and treat with respect the indigenous population. There has been talk of moving the day, however, I think this is unlikely.
Australia Day is a day where the efforts Australians have made to Australia for whatever reason receive awards. The problem with this is when it comes to acknowledging the outstanding indigenous contributors who struggle with the day.
Now, I am far from an expert in indigenous affairs and therefore anything I put forward is not meant to be offensive to anyone at all. But there’s a part of me that has always thought that there should be two days for Australia Day. The 25 January celebrating the indigenous population’s contribution. Being on the day before Australia Day being symbolic of their existence before European’s landed.
Twenty-six January can then be for the celebration of landing on the wonderful soil that is Australia for the European settlers. Perhaps we need another day, the 27 January to celebrate the harmony between the two parties. But perhaps 13 February “Sorry Day” is a better day to celebrate the coming together of the traditional owners and the new settlers. It’s probably too messy for me to figure out.
Day 027 – Hospital Consult
27 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 27!
Before the visit: Today has on the table a visit to the Fractures Clinic for a consult on the progress of my broken ankle. The clinic is to check whether I get to remove the temporary cast and put on a new one. The doctor at the clinic, will also decide whether I need surgery or not.
Hopefully, I will also get to see what the injury looks like on the X-ray. Seeing the breaks will tell me how I can direct my mental focus on healing the injury.
From there, I’m in responsive mode or simply in the lap of the gods because I have no idea whether we will be in the hospital for an hour or half or all day.
After the visit: we arrived at the Fractures Clinic right on time after racing through the entrance preparations: sanitise hands, grab a mask if necessary. From there is was a one and a half hour wait to get in to see the clinic.
At first, I was frustrated by not getting in on time. Once I realised it wasn’t going to happen quickly, I put my feet up on a pillow provided by a nurse to keep my foot elevated until a bed became available for me.
Finally wheeled into the clinic and was asked whether I could make the bed on my own or whether I needed assistance. My reply was, “I got this”, accompanied by a very loud fart! To which I responded, “see, I told you I got this especially with the extra wind assistance!”. This got a chuckle from everyone. And although the incident did not get mentioned again, the camaraderie it generated with the team looking after me was just a touch warmer. It’s really amazing what a sense of humour can do for you in a tight situation.
OMG! Red-faced and laughing I managed to get onto the bed and noticed that the teenage boy on the other bed was studiously trying not to laugh. Oh…. embarrassment *smiley face*.
It was at this point that I managed to see my foot in x-ray. Personally, I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t as bad as I had imagined. The bone was still joined and this was something I hadn’t expected. On the whole, I didn’t think it was too bad.
There was a horizontal crack 75% of the way through the Fibula and two vertical cracks not on the fibula. Not sure of their location as I didn’t get a close enough look to determine exactly where. To my mind they seemed smaller and will hopefully heal quicker – I could have asked more questions but no-one exhibited any concerning vibes.
When my mother broke both her bones fibula and tibia they were completely cracked and there were splinters of bone that needed to be fixed and the gap was big in the crack. So, my expectations of this was it was broken all the way through and needed aligning and all sorts of complicated stuff. By comparison, mine looked completely tame.
From there it was a trip to x-ray to make sure that nothing had moved since I left Tweed Heads. Nothing had – bonus! The doctor was called and assessed that my injury was on the border of needing surgery or not. However, since the first x-rays heading had already begun and was progressing well and because the bone wasn’t separated. With careful nurturing over the next six weeks it will see it healed without the need for surgery.
I wasn’t in any hurry for surgery but the prognosis seemed to be not to need it providing I behaved myself. Meaning not falling, keeping the leg elevated and ensuring that it does not become load bearing until the doctor says so. Argh…. I’m so conflicted!
There was a guy at work (for story purposes I will call him Bruce) who went skiing the same week he got his proper cast put on. He had his brother remove the cast so he could put his foot into ski boots.
Bruce’s reasoning being that downhill ski boots were just as tight as the cast and would keep his bones locked into place. True. Nonetheless after two weeks skiing he went back to the doctor and the doctor was impressed with the advanced stage of healing his bones were in.
Later the medical profession had identified that putting pressure on the bone forces the body to focus on healing the area and it heals quicker. This is the “shortcut” I had hoped to make.
Couple of things that worked in Bruce’s favour were that he had a plate holding the whole break together, he was younger than me, and had already booked a non-refundable skiing holiday.
The things going against me are, I have three fractures – one horizontal and two vertical. The pressure might only help if there was one fracture going in only one direction. My years as a secretary for a structural engineering firm taught me something about cracks and pressure.
So, I’m going to have to do the right thing and follow advice as much as my impatience is pushing at my boundaries of patience. Patience is quite comfortable to letting impatience rage because there’s nothing impatience will accomplish at the moment.
The cool thing is that I got a lighter cast that went all the way around as well as a pretty purple – incidentally the colour of emotional and spiritual healing – to make me feel better about having the cast.
That was the day. Now what do the cards have to say about it….
The Cards - Analysis
Creativity is the first card out in the Now position with the Stress card influencing or blocking Creativity. This make a strange kind of sense. In the waiting room I needed to get creative to pass the time while the stress of not being see to or knowing what was happening was looming.
If you see the two cards as constantly cycling through the day the dance between Creativity and Stress could have happened on an hourly basis at each situation. First in the waiting room, then in the consultation area, the x-ray department, waiting for x-rays et cetera.
The Goal could be seen as the metaphorical Rebirth of my bone healing. It was a renewed hope that surgery would not be necessary and while I begrudge the additional two weeks in a cast. The long term benefits of not having surgery outweigh the immediate need for it. Let’s not confuse this for me being anti-surgery, if the doctor’s recommendation would have been to have it.
My training to trust subject matter experts would have agreed to it too. It does help that the doctor was echoing just about word for word what the Tweed Head hospital orthopedic specialists had said, without them committing another doctor to a course of action they may or may not take. After all time and swelling reduction needed to occur first before they would be willing to give a definitive course of action too.
Harmony was the fourth card and is in the Distant Past position and We are the World in the Recent Past position. For the purposes of the distant and recent past positions these two cards are very similar in my mind right now. We are the World is just a slightly watered down version of Harmony.
That means from the synchronicity of Harmony, and I’m guessing it stems from Tweed Heads hospital, prompt ambulance, and care from Alicia to the local doctor’s prompt referral to the clinic everything has been healing and working as well as it has. We are the World is simply and extension overlapping the latter events.
Comparison in the Future Energy position. There’s no surprise to this card appearing in this position reflecting how I would feel about things following the knowledge disclosed to me today regarding my healing path. Of course, I would be considering Bruce’s circumstances and reminding myself that I’m not him nor is the situation identical – plus I don’t really know all the facts for his incident either.
Not to mention that my mother, my mother-in-law and best friend’s mum have all gone through a similar thing and come out smiling. Again, I’m comparing… grr Yes. I’m aware that it’s useless to compare because comparison only makes me feel isolated in this circumstance.
Look at that, Ice-olation is the card that is in position seven reflecting the Feelings I have about the situation. Ice-olation is more about loneliness than the Aloneness card. Ice-olation is usually about the loneliness you create for yourself by not sharing your feelings.
Sometimes, it’s difficult when you’re home alone and don’t really feel like sharing, so it’s about wallowing. Wallow I did. No good dose of self-pity happens without a good scoop of wallowing.
Suppression is an interesting card to have in position which identifies Other People’s Views. To my mind, I didn’t think I was suppressing much. Perhaps my frustration about the weight but once the nurse visited and mentioned they were waiting for a bed, I was good.
The other area where the staff at the clinic may have thought I had been suppressing might be how stressed I was about the injury. Perhaps, they thought I was making light of the situation to mask my true worry on the topic. Guess we’ll never know even if it is interesting.
Breakthrough was the ninth card and is in the Hopes & Fears position. You bet, I was looking forward to gaining some knowledge breakthrough! That knowledge has the power to lift me into hope and cause me to fear it.
Hope that everything would be okay and that the injury wasn’t as bad as my mum’s had been and fear that it was more complicated and would require surgery. Surgery added to longer, more complicated and more merry persons looking after me. Don’t get me wrong, I love merry persons but I’m happy with the quotient I have now.
Morality is in the Outcome position of position ten. Morality is all about doing the right thing at the cost of having fun sometimes. It definitely feels like that is the outcome to my visit to the hospital today. It also sees me wanting to wish this temporary situation with my leg away.
Day 026 – Australia Day!
26 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 26!
On the whole today’s plan was to stay as immobile as possible with my ankle above heart height. This was going to be done by watching a lot of Netflix and YouTube. At the end of the day, that’s exactly what transpired and therefore there wasn’t much to write about.
But maybe the cards can eke out some thoughts and activities that happened today.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Moment to Moment card was the first and is in the Now position. From the outset the cards got the plan for the day; the plan was to go from one moment to the next without really planning what was next. Just being cautious where I step. Is it me, or are the cards being a bit cheeky when it shows me a man tenderly going from stepping stone to stepping stone and that’s kind of how I broke my ankle! Hmmm….
Transformation card was the second one today and is in the Influence position.
Compromise card was the third one today and is in the Goal position.
Comparison card was the fourth one today and is in the Distant Past position.
Participation card was the fifth one today and is in the Recent Past position.
Sorrow card was the sixth one today and is in the Future Energy position.
Adventure card was the seventh one today and is in the Feelings or immediate future position.
Conditioning card was the eighth one today and is in the Other People’s Views position.
Mind card was the ninth one today and is in the Hopes and Fears position.
The Lovers card was the tenth one today and is in the Outcome position.
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Day 025 – More Change!
25 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 25!
This is going to be short and sweet. The day was pretty much spent on the lounge or a chair all day keeping my leg above heart level. This for the most part meant lying down.
While this is doing wonders for the swelling, when you do finally move around to get lunch or relieve yourself, the rush of blood back to the previously raised limb heightens the pain.
Another thing that heightens the pain is the bandage has gotten a bit looser and with the swelling going down theres more movement within the cast too, which means friction. There even feels like a heel blister on the inside of the cast just to add another dimension to the spectrum of various pains. Like the half cast rubbing again the calves.
That aside, apparently my neighbour’s grandson had been influenced by seeing me on crutches and when he feel off his trike insisted on walking around with a cane until it got better at the end of the day! It’s incredibly sweet to hear.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Adventure card was the first and was in the Now position. Maybe the Adventure card is more about what I want to be doing than what I’m doing. Having said that although this whole experience comes with it frustrations there are certainly a lot of interesting and wonderful things being experience. That leads nicely into the next card of ….
Experiencing card was the second one today and was in the Influence position. Looking at the various days and expecting that they will be simply a cookie cutter copy from the day before has been surprising.
Each day, although from the outset seems like there is little to write about seems to have its own unique characteristics. For instance, I do not expect tomorrow to be much different than from today. Yet, my husband will be home and by that simple variable, it cannot be the same as today.
Existence card was the third one today and was in the Goal position. The Existence card is about appreciating that there is no one like you or that can ever be you, and that you matter and are necessary as you are and where you are. Existence is about awareness of this relevance. As a Goal, it’s always there.
The Master card was the fourth one today and was in the Distant Past position. In this position in the layout, it indicates that I have been able to exist outside of the cyclical daily grind even while being apart from it. The Master or this feeling is the foundation for seeing this experience (including my gripes) as and Adventure.
Healing card was the fifth one today and was in the Recent Past position. This card and this position get a “oh, dah!”. It’s all I’ve been focusing on and all you’ve been reading about. The pain of the healing process.
Compromise card was the sixth one today and was in the Future Energy position. This card is one of those cards that happens as part of life but it’s really fun. So, what was today’s compromise? I don’t have one for you. The card hasn’t eventuated or I’ve missed something, both of these options could apply.
Trust card was the seventh one today and was in the Feelings or immediate future position. This card does apply. The cards itself means that I need to trust the healing process and that everything will work out.
My mum rang today to remind me to be patient during these days of temporary cast wearing as she’s aware that I’m not particularly good at sitting still not getting anything done. Even typing these posts are a no-no. Surprising since it’s an ankle injury not a brain one. However, between the pain and the odd angles at which you need to type if you’re raising your leg, it would be easier not to do them.
We are the World card was the eighth one today and was in the Other People’s Views position. Okay, the only people I could gauge this from is my husband and my mother as my only contacts today. We are the World is about working together for a common goal. Thinking about this, my mum might think that husband and I are working well together and husband might think that mum and I are doing likewise.
Rebirth card was the ninth one today and was in the Hopes and Fears position. An easy one! Rebirth at face value restoring what you once had. Healed ankle, able to move around again freely, sounds like a good “hope” factor. The fear factor is that it will take longer than expected because I’m older.
Change card was the tenth one today and was in the Outcome position. Sounds like things are moving. In other tarot decks this card is known as the “wheel of fortune”. This is the turning of start of an experience, through the growth, descent and finally death elements. The card is a reminder that the pain of the situation depends on how you view the changes that are occurring.
Reminder to embrace the change regardless of form – noted.
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Day 024 – It’s a new day!
24 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 24!
Just a quick note, by direct order from the doctor I need to raise my leg above my heart. This makes the pain in my ankle much worse when I return it to a normal height. The temporary splint digs into my calves and the ankle bones rub against the cast as well.
This makes writing the daily blog incredibly difficult because the pain even with regular painkillers and the angle of the leg makes it awkward to type.
Today started better than last night, which is a good thing but mornings are always better than the evenings – guess it’s all that getting up and peeing. Today’s goal is to keep movement to a minimum and not leave the house. Basically, taking every moment as it comes. This means being patient – grumble.
All things went fine, I was working in the study when one of the few things that I need to get up for, like nature calling, I got up for. I overbalanced on the crutches and fell, this time I was unable to avoid putting weight on the injured ankle.
Husband helped me get back up but I was shaken. There’s a point where you don’t trust your own footing anymore, although I know where I went wrong. Not only that, you begin to question whether the pain you’re feeling is part of the original injury or whether you added a complication to the injury.
Not wanting to stress myself out and become a see things that aren’t there. Plus, I’d already followed up and it was nothing. Okay. I know that the former baseline situation has changed because there was another fall. So, I’ll be extra careful and move less, put up my foot. It’s just another three days and I’ll be seeing the specialist anyway.
To reduce the number of times I could fall at home we purchased a cheap office chair for me to wheel around the house on instead of the crutches. My mum had done this when she had a broken leg and with hip surgery because she lived on her own. For me it seemed like a much safer option, especially since husband goes back to work tomorrow.
In the meantime, while at the door the neighbour was outside with her daughter and granddaughter. The granddaughter was learning to skateboard. After a small chit-chat, I went back inside and put my leg up.
The rest of the day was spent with my legs elevated above heart level watching shows that grabbed my interest.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Projections card was the first and is in the Now position. Means I was hopeful that I could get around doing all the things my mum could do.
Also, there is probably a bit of an unfair projection of all the stuff I would get done if I could move about. I know it’s unfair because its stuff I’ve been meaning to get to for ages and haven’t. So, yeah. Unfair.
In fairness, it should be pointed out that some of these relate to the short exposure that I have had to my work in collecting my computer equipment and making unfounded assumptions. Oh. It’s so difficult to have time to think in isolation sometimes. Fortunately, it’s in isolation and you can work through them before they do any damage.
Beyond Illusion card was the second one today and is in the Influence position. The process of moving from caterpillar to butterfly, chrysalis is assisting me in forming the projections that are unfair. This makes sense since, the change of the broken ankle has forced upon us is causing the unfair expectations of me and those around me.
Success card was the third one today and is in the Goal position. There’s a large focus that I want to master this situation. When i say this situation, I’m talking about the crutches, the confinement and the frustration of having the broken ankle.
Sharing card was the fourth one today and is in the Distant Past position. I’m used to having more than I need and when not confined like pre-ankle I enjoy my freedom of movement and give generously of my time and effort.
Morality card was the fifth one today and is in the Recent Past position. Wonder if this relates to me “doing the right thing” not going to the hospital post the fall – just to save inconveniencing a lot of people? I suspect it might be.
Awareness card was the second one today and is in the Future Energy position. Looking at my ankle injury from a metaphysical injury, it would mean that I’m rethinking my physical direction.
How did I arrive at that? Without going into depth the basics are: right side equals physical direction, ankle equals movement, activity and allows for forward movement. Therefore, there’s a part of my psyche that wasn’t being listened to that wanted me to take a good long look at where I wanted to go with respect to my occupation.
Friendliness card was the seventh one today and is in the Feelings or immediate future position. This was probably the friendly chat with our neighbour and her family. It was refreshing and lovely.
Conditioning card was the eighth one today and is in the Other People’s Views position. People saw me as breaking away from what you’re supposed to do with a broken ankle perhaps? Maybe being out chatting on crutches made me look competent with them and it was different to everyone else at the time.
Consciousness card was the ninth one today and is in the Hopes and Fears position. I am hoping that I was fully conscious of my choice not going to hospital again was a clear choice but fearing that perhaps I might not be. This is that internal struggle position. Did I struggle with the decision? Yes. Do I think it was the right one? Yes. Am I scared that my intuition was wrong? Yes. But that’s Hopes and Fears for you right there.
Moment to Moment card was the tenth one today and is in the Outcome position. In the end, I didn’t have any choice but to live moment to moment. However, the card Moment to Moment, isn’t about having to do it means there’s a mindfulness to the acceptance not just struggling from one second to the next.
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